Raise Your Child Within

Each of you is the star of a movie. Your movie was written by your little girl or little boy. Usually the decisions that created the movie you're now living were made at 5 or 6 years old.

Sure, 5 year olds are creative, cute, & nice but the decisions and the movie script that resulted are not consistently useful to grownups. Little kids don't have the experience base to write a rich & meaningful movie.

These old script patterns are revisited in times of grownup stress or difficulty. The visits are almost always unsuccessful repetitions of previous frustrations. I call these "the dance" - a well-rehearsed, predictable series of steps with familiar outcomes.

We all have to answer these questions -- Who am I?; Who are all these others?; What's happening?

Grownups have much more life experience and are supposed to be better problem solvers. It's important for grownups to be in charge of the movie and decision-making as well as raising kids.

Try out the following exercise in order for you -- the grownup part of you -- to be in charge.

First: Ask yourself if you're OK with being in charge of your own inner kid. Do you love and want him or her to be healthy and cared for? Are you willing to raise your inner child?

If you're willing to do this go to the second step. If you won't or if you have doubts, see a psychotherapist to explore your unwillingness further.

Second: Sit or lie down and take a few deep breaths and exhale slowly letting yourself relax. Get a picture or sense of you as a youngster.

Where do you see this child? What is your child doing? How is your child dressed?

Once you have a clear sense or picture of these things, approach the child and introduce you to the child as the grownup he or she became. Note the child's responses.

If you get resistance or fear, reassure and proceed. Tell the child that you are here to take him/her with you and that you will be taking care of her/him from now on.

You're doing this because you two are connected and that you love and care for him/her. Note responses and answer any questions or concerns.

Reach out and touch or shake hands with the child. See, hear and feel the child. As you get agreement, pick up the child or hug the child. Note the feeling and emotion of that contact. Let the child melt into you and become part of you.

Third: Once you have finished that part of the experiment, appreciate the connection and revisit that child on a daily basis. You, the "grownup you", are in charge of caring for that child, developing options and making decisions for the two of you because you know things, you have done lots of things and you're competent to take care of him/her.

copyright, 2009